i wasn't created to date interracially

Okay so I’ve thought long and hard about this.


I’m just not cut out for dating interracially.

I’m not that black girl that fits that “mold.” There are black women that do fit the “mold”, God just didn't create me like that.

In my mind I just don’t think that a white man can love me like a brother. I mean I’ve tried to open myself up to this idea, but when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t think that I am what a white man would sincerely love better yet find truly beautiful. And honestly, I have never been sexually attracted to a white man. Justin Timberlake is cute, but I can't see myself smashing him. All of my "dreams" have been about black men. My mind can't conceive making love to a white man.

About a month or so ago a white Frenchmen tried to talk to me outside of Whole Foods. And as much as I wanted to feel like his compliments were genuine, my gut told me another story. My gut said, "That kracka (that's how my gut talks) ain't trying to get to know you, he wants to FUCK you!" Sorry for the vulgarity. I really felt that he was attracted to me because he saw me as exotic -- hailing from the Caribbean with dreadlocks and a slight accent. I told him my parents were from Haiti and he seemed to fall more for me. He even said some crap about his ex being Haitian. I wonder if she had that good good, and maybe he thought I had some too. I thanked him for his kind words and got in my car and vroomed outta there.

But I left that conversation, first excited that someone had hit on me (HEY don't judge me. Every woman wants to be hit on! If you don't -- you AINT woman. Being hit on kinda affirms that you still got it!) And then confused -- disgusted.

I really look at myself in the mirror and I am very happy with the reflection that stares back. A black woman with big lips, loc'ed tresses, and hella bourghetto ways! That's me and I love all of ME. I'm not sure that I could find a white man that would love me just the way I am. So I've come to the conclusion that I'm not fit for an interracial relationship.

been chasin' chocolate honey

i'm going through some changes

a month ago
A:  would you date a white man?
iamkamilah:  NOPE!

today
A: would you date a white man?
iamkamilah:  where he at?!?!


still chasing honey . . .

Wanna Attract a Man? I Got The Formula . . .

No really I do.  Researchers say the amount of skin women should show to attract the most men is . . .

Honey For The Soul: Sisters, your natural hair is beautiful to me

An open letter to African-American women:

It's about the need to be beautiful, I know.

As goals go, that one is neither extraordinary nor gender-specific. But it's different for women, isn't it? A man's sense of self worth is seldom endangered by crow's feet. On him people will say they convey ``character.'' On a woman, they convey wear.

And if it's different for women, it's different and then some for women like you, saddled not just with the need to be beautiful, but also with 400 years of racial baggage, 400 years of ginormous Jemimahs, shrill Sapphires, ugly Aunt Esthers and angry Angelas seared into the public mind, 400 years which say you cannot be beautiful if your lips are too proud, or your skin too dark or you don't take that nappy hair God gave you and make it look like the hair he gave somebody else.

The Toxic Man

Blogger, Young Jubi from Black Girls Unlost, has composed a list of men to avoid.  Here you go:

The Player.

Yes I know its cliché, but it still holds true. “Monogamous” is a word that is not in his lexicon. He always has a team, and the best you can hope for is that it’s a b-ball squad instead of a football starting lineup. He is the quintessential ladies man, and sadly, you probably aren’t the woman to get him to settle down. When you first meet him, he’s charming & seems to know all the right things to say, and he’s probably putting it down in the bedroom too. But once you get comfy, you realize that you’re just one of many, and he isn’t about to change his lifestyle just for you. Make no mistake, he has no problem with you taking care of him in hopes of being his one & only, but with this guy, the “prize” is being his #1, not his only. Save yourself the heartache & the drama by steering clear of this guy.

The Toxic Woman

Blogger, Monsignor St. Randy has posted a list of women to avoid, what he likes to calls the Toxic Woman.

The Equally Yoked-er.

The Equally Yoked-er becomes toxic for herself because she sabotages potential relationships based on criteria that while may be impressive, don’t really correlate with functional relationships. And she becomes toxic to men in two ways. for men that don’t “measure up”, she tends to deride or minimize them. The refrain is always, “I have a law degree, I’m supposed to date the janitor now?” As if there were no middle ground between lawyer and janitor. For those men that do meet her standards, if they’re not interested, she’s the first to yell about how “these arrogant educated black men think they’re god’s gift to women.” In some ways, she fetishizes public accomplishment the same way guys fetishize a Cherokee D’ass size booty. It’s not about the person, it’s about something else.

PUT HIS ASS ON BLAST

Ya'll remember Field Mob? Well the ex girlfriend of Shawn Jay emailed Media Takeout (a big gossip site) this message:

"I was the ex girlfriend of Mr. Shawn Jay from Field mob and we were together for two years. I want to put his ass on blast because he is a woman abuser and he beat me all the time when I was with him. He burnt me with cigarettes and cut off all my hair and beat me like I was a man. I think that everybody should know what type of person he is."

And then she attaches pictures.

I don't care if he wasn't famous. You know how they have Lost Dog Signs in Neighborhoods, Huh (ya'll know where I'm going). I would make 100 copies to post in our neighborhood, his job, and our church. It ain't libel cause it's the TRUTH. Yeah, I'm that chick that you don't wanna F**K with cause I would put you hoe ass on blast.

~still chasing honey

Great Reads: The Black Snob's "The Hair Up There Is Not For You To Care"

"Can I touch it?"


He could barely get the question out before his hands went right into my hair. He wanted to touch it. He wanted to pet it. He wanted to put it into a ponytail with a dirty rubber band he found on the marble top of the bar.


"I could fall in love with this," he said as he scratched my roots. By the time I freed myself from his hair molestation my blow out was frizzy and wild. Not that he cared. I gave him the look. The John McEnroe "Are You SERIOUS?" look and he tried to cover his painfully obvious fetish.

"I just love that your hair is real. I don't care what a woman's hair is like as long as it's real."

Yet he wasn't attacking the sister rocking the TWA two stools down even though she was incredibly fierce in her own right. No. It was me and the ten pounds of clothes I had on in the summertime. I believe that everyone is entitled to love who they want to love, but I think people should be honest with themselves.

Black men have just as many hair issues about black women's hair as black women do.

Read More . . .

Celebrity Gossip: Usher's Papers

Is it me or does Usher only make good albums after break ups.

Chile if I was Chilli or Tameka Foster I would be asking for a percentage of the proceeds. You making money off us -- our issues -- I helped create those issues as well, gimme my half.

LOL.
 
The album Confession -- OFF THE FRIGGIN CHAIN. I loved every song. What ya'll know about That's What It's Made For?

He then put out Here I Stand while in a relationship. That album didn't do so well. I liked maybe 3 songs on that album.

And his upcoming album that people speculate will drop in December entitled Monster or Raymond v. Raymond (all depends on the source) looks like it too will be doing well. Usher posted a song Paper -- I'm going to go out on a limb and say they are about his divorce from Tameka:

"I damn near lost my mama, I had been through so much drama that I turned into the man I never thought I’d be. I’m ready to sign those papers . . ."

Usher Papers

Great Reads: The Strong Black Woman Syndrome

Kimberly Seals Allers writes: 

Recently, I had an epiphany. It was actually more like a frightening realization, to be honest. And it came to me on the television set of a BET taping, of all places. During the taping, I was sitting next to a young black male who was just singing his mama's praises. He spoke lovingly of how she raised him as a single parent, giving tough love and setting high expectations. Then, he began to talk about how, when his father left, his mother "didn't miss a beat" and just got on with their lives. This struck me. I interrupted him gently, to remind him that her resilience is just what he saw or what she allowed him to see, and that he didn't know what happened to his mother when he went to sleep, or when his mother was alone -- she may have cried for hours.

The problem with what this young man saw is that he was left with the impression that his father left his family and there were no consequences. No repercussions. This is dangerous thinking for our young men -- and, in my opinion, dangerous behavior on our part as black women. My fear is that our Strong Black Woman Syndrome is unintentionally breaking down our families and creating a dangerous legacy."

Source

Great Reads: Essence Article -- Mother Knows Best: Why I Choose Not to Live With My 10-Year-Old Son

Interesting article about a mom's decision to let her son live with her divorced husband in another city.

"My ex-husband and I met in college. We are both native New Yorkers attending the University of Maryland, College Park. Even after he transferred to a university in Long Island, New York, we stayed together. We dated for ten years total and then he proposed. We got married and a child, our son, Adam, was born during that union.

We ended up divorcing after two years of marriage. We were both young when we first got together and eventually grew apart. Shortly after we officially divorced, my ex-husband decided to relocate to Atlanta and I stayed in New York. And when my ex left he took our son with him.

Since our breakup was so amicable, it wasn't really a need for much long discussion early on. We just sorta said, "We'll figure it out as we go." It wasn't like some judge said, "You'll have him for summers and you'll have him during Christmas and spring breaks."It's not like that at all. My ex-husband and I have a great relationship and share joint custody of Adam. It's very open and fair. There were several factors that lead me to make this decision. . ."

Entire Article

Would you allow your son/daughter to live with your divorced husband/wife in another city?

Dr. Love (Tupac Talks Relationship)

People always ask why do good girls love bad boys. I really don't know but Tupac was one of those bad boys that I had a major crush on. His theory about love and relationship is so romantic to me. I was blushing as if he was talking about me. Although he is very rough around the edges I'm a sucker for a man showing his heart. Check out his responses to relationship questions around the 3:47 mark.

Your 2 Cents

Diamond from Crime Mob talks about her "open relationship". Would you ever agree to an open relationship with your mate?


BlogXilla: You and Scrappy are one of the longest running couples in hip hop being that everyone are breaking up, can you give the women any advice on how to keep their man.

Did You Know . . .

that beavers remain couples for life? They never ever get new partners. No divorcing, no cheating, no baby mama drama. Wow. Who would have known that we could learn so much from a rodent!

-be 21!

Comment to Another Relationship Post

This is a song by Sylena Johnson, I heard it last night while watching Apollo on TV1. I thought the song explains how I feel. You all should download it (LEGALLY) when you get a chance.

Another Relationship

How do I live without you
And every day that I open my eyes and turn to my side
Gotta smile deep inside
Cause the one who was there was you
And how do I focus at work
Everytime my cell phone rings or a pager beeps
I'm so nervous so anxious but hoping the caller is you
And how am I s'pose to get sleep
When every night that I lay down my head in my bed you ain't there with your arms wrapped around me holding me all nite through
And how could this be fair
When I gave you all of my love all my time every dime after spending still you could walk out the door to explore

Another relationship
Is that what this is about
Another relationship
That you would leave your own house
For Another relationship
Was that the straw that broke the camels back
Another relationship
another relationship

Baby tell me whats up with that
What does she have on me
What does she do that is so damn good
that would make you give up all the love
all the trust and the stuff that you built with me
Does she know my name
Did you ever tell her that she was taking and breaking the bond that we strengthened
through blood sweat and tears over the years
Boy you dont hear me
And has she met your son
Or maybe your mother and father your sister 2 brothers
and all of your cousins your uncle who loves and still call me
And how could this be
Tell me whats better than storming the weather
and staying together with the one you love and have a history

Another relationship
How could you do this to us is that what this is about
Another relationship
How could you leave your own house
Another relationship
Was that the straw that broke the camels back
Another relationship
Another relationship

I thought that we were so happy
How could you leave so easily
Is she worth all that baby
Another relationship
Another relationship
Sacrificed our happy life
For Another relationship
And this wasnt what you promised me
Another relationship
Another relationship
You said you would love me love me love me forever baby
Another relationship
So how come I wasnt good enough
Another relationship
I know all relationships get tough
For Another relationship
How could you do this to me
Another relationship
Another relationship
We're suppose to be building a family
Another relationship
Why did you leave
Another relationship
Another relationship
And what da hell do I do now
Another relationship
Another relationship