I’m just not cut out for dating interracially.
I’m not that black girl that fits that “mold.” There are black women that do fit the “mold”, God just didn't create me like that.
In my mind I just don’t think that a white man can love me like a brother. I mean I’ve tried to open myself up to this idea, but when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t think that I am what a white man would sincerely love better yet find truly beautiful. And honestly, I have never been sexually attracted to a white man. Justin Timberlake is cute, but I can't see myself smashing him. All of my "dreams" have been about black men. My mind can't conceive making love to a white man.
About a month or so ago a white Frenchmen tried to talk to me outside of Whole Foods. And as much as I wanted to feel like his compliments were genuine, my gut told me another story. My gut said, "That kracka (that's how my gut talks) ain't trying to get to know you, he wants to FUCK you!"
But I left that conversation, first excited that someone had hit on me (HEY don't judge me. Every woman wants to be hit on! If you don't -- you AINT woman. Being hit on kinda affirms that you still got it!) And then confused -- disgusted.
I really look at myself in the mirror and I am very happy with the reflection that stares back. A black woman with big lips, loc'ed tresses, and hella bourghetto ways! That's me and I love all of ME. I'm not sure that I could find a white man that would love me just the way I am. So I've come to the conclusion that I'm not fit for an interracial relationship.
been chasin'
9 comments:
LOL! Well, when you said you were considering it, I tried to be optimistic for you!
But this post right here is how I mostly feel about the situation. I mean I see guys of other races that I think are cute, but I could not see myself beyond a friendship with them. Anything on an intimate level just turns into a blur in my head as I'm thinking about it.
I'm in a new relationship now, with a BLACK man! They're the best thing since sliced bread and all of them aren't shallow, demeaning, selfish, childish, unloving creatures... just gotta wait for your match.
thanks Brandiss! Yes, I know for sure that their are great black men out there. I have always known that and I have never put black men down because of my singledom. But I really have tried to opening my mind to that concept but it ain't for me (as i stated in the entry). Congrats on yo boo! Wish ya'll the best of luck.
Also are you a guest blogger for Naturally Fabulous or do you co-blog? I checked out the site yesterday and I was like Brandiss wrote this article -- cool. then i saw your name for several articles. anyway great articles, great job, great site.
Peace
Yeah Im a co-blogger over there! lol We've been slow with our posts lately due to our schedules, but hopefully things will pick back up soon.
Hmmmm... Maybe we can do a post about your locs! I have been extremely interested in locs lately... Let me know if thats cool. email me at brandissblogs@gmail.com
Like Brandiss when I read the original post I tried to be optimistic as well. Yet I figured this post would be forthcoming, but not so soon. LoL! I think it is a tough one. But I do not think it is something that you have to make a declarative statement about or wreck your mind about. The Frenchmen turned you off, fine. I kind of feel like if it happens then it happens. In that vein though I kinda feel you on your "type" theory. Its not right and kinda ridiculous to a degree but most guys I know look at whether a Black woman has had a significant relationship with a White guy as a red flag; like she must be that "type." LoL! But what does that mean? I guess like she's not "down" enough? Like if she was extra consciousness the White guy wouldn't be able to deal with her? LoL! I don't know. But the women I do know who are that extra conscious kind who have tried to be open with the White thing all say the same to me. They say that it is hard to talk about many subjects. Like coming home from work you want to complain about your White co-workers or boss and how racist and ignorant they are. They say they can not relate even when they try so it often leaves then censoring themselves and unfilled. I guess you don't realize how much you talk about and have to cope with race like that on the regular because you are always around people that know, understand, and sympathize. Then there are other little things too Black women have told me that they just don't understand about Back Women or the Black experience. So I don't know. And you tend to look way down the line with stuff like that too. Like how would we raise the kids and clashes about cultural stuff. But at this stage does one even need to worry about that? At this stage i say don't. Knowing you, I seriously don't think anyone really needs to worry about you being in that scenario anyways. But what do I really know about the feasibility of these things? Some people thug it, others don't; ain't nothing wrong either way I guess. I'm sure you've talked to people that have gone that route, or read some articles and blogs about the subject. What do they say?
And to shift gears a little I read a good commentary the other day on the attack of Black Love:
http://www1.essence.com/packages/willyoumarryme/video.html?xid=021710-ENews-Wednesday-BlackLoveUnderAttack-mainstoryhdrlink
That may have been the wrong link, try this:
http://www.essence.com/relationships/hot_topics_5/black_love_under_media_attack.php?page=9
just to clarify when i say "i wasn't created to date interracially" it has nothing to do with being BLACK/To Black it has more to do with how i personally look, how i talk, my social skills, where i was raised, how i was raised, what i was exposed to, etc. I have 2 very close friends who have seriously dated or are currently seriously dating white men. And these chicks are black, went to HBCU, pledged Black sororities, worked in the inner city, volunteer in the inner city, live in the inner city, hood like me, 1 has locs the other has natural hair, and both are currently working on PhD's. So they are aware Black sisters and love their people but they are dating outside of their race. And it doesn't surprise me -- it makes a lot of sense to me.
i can look at black women and tell if a relationship with someone outside of their race would work. so it's not about being "race conscious" it's really about personality and looks.
and for me, i'm not what most white men would find attractive AND I don't have that bubbly, friendly personality. hell i have a difficult time dating inside my race because black men think I'm aggressive so you can imagine what it would be like to date outside my race. lol.
My friends who i think can successfully date interracially are bubbly, friendly, everyone loves them -- social butterflys. Or they would fit within society's notion of beauty. They have that attractive personality. I don't. And that's fine. We were all created differently.
Crazy, my sister and I were watching tv and an eHarmony commerical was on. They had a black girl with locs with a white man (supposedly this interracial couple hooked up on the site). I told my sister about my theory and she said what about this sister. I said just because she's natural doesn't mean that she WASN'T created to date interracially. I told my sister that the chick on tv had a very welcoming, open personality and she could have a successful relationship.
Many black chicks say that they can't but they can. My BFF swears that she can't but she definitely can. White men would love her, she has the entire package -- and she's very aware and she loves her people.
unfortantely, I wasn't created like her or many other black women. if i could change my personality and demeanor I would be able to successful date outside of my race. But the truth is I can't change who I am. Now if a white dude can look past my "rough around the edges" personality then maybe. but then I'm not sexually attracted to white men so it wouldn't even be able to go down. Maybe that attraction would come. idk. Let's just say I yet have come across a White Man that has blown my mind. If I do you know, that it'll be a story to tell. lol.
and glory, i am not thinking about wedding bells or baby names. This is about interracial DATING not interracial MARRIAGE. I don't mistake the two. lol.
holla!
I hear you. I wasn't saying you were thinking about marriage or babies. LoL! What I was trying to say was that when people have these discussions they tend to look down the road and talk about that as well. Thats what I was saying, in general. And that just like you said its dating thats all, so one does not need to necessarily contemplate that now.
And I didn't get what you were saying on it not being about you being Black. As in your personality doesn't have anything to do with your being Black? I understand that, but if that is the case why do you think that White guys more than any other guy would have difficulty with your personality? What is it about Black men that would make them more willing to date someone without an "attractive personality?" And isn't attraction a subjective thing? Not every guy wants a bubbly personality. Ain't it stereotypical to think most White guys want what you call "social butterflys?" LoL!
And I know its your personality, but can I respectfully disagree with you on this? LoL! I think you do have an attractive personality and that you too fit society's notion of beauty in that regard. But you'll say I am wrong. Ha! So what's the worth?
I love it...this is exactly how I feel but living in a politically world can't put it as beautifully as you put it, without being called racist or told that Im doomed to be lonely due to the "lack" of good brothers in our society...
Glory -- you make a good point. and i contemplated all of those questions that you ask:
"As if your personality doesn't have anything to do with you being Black? I understand that, but if that is the case why do you think that White guys more than any other guy would have difficulty with your personality? What is it about Black men that would make them more willing to date someone without an "attractive personality?" And isn't attraction a subjective thing? Not every guy wants a bubbly personality. Ain't it stereotypical to think most White guys want what you call "social butterflys?" LoL!"
And so I should explain more. You know me too well, cause there is way more then I'm telling. lol. But let me tell!
I don't think I have an unattractive personality but to be honest, I don't have a welcoming one. Personally, I usually dont allow white people to get to comfortable with me. I truly have 1 white friend, and I consider her a friend because she showed that she was down, especially when I was going through a lot of stuff with BLSA. And she continues to show me support til today when we aren't even in the same city. But to get back to the issue at hand, I have walls built and I'm not sure if they will ever come down. White people are cool, I went to school with them, I work with them and for them (lol) but they have never been more to me than school/work buds. You know you give them that smile, a chuckle, throw in a corny joke and ya'll good for the day. So to have them in my personal space is sort of uncomfortable. I'm not sure that I could be myself.
I want people to know that these are MY ISSUES. I DO NOT SPEAK FOR THE ENTIRE BLACK RACE! Lots of black people have white friends and their lives are integrated - and that's good. Mine isn't it's totally separated.
For me, my loner personality (I don't like phones, I dont go out every weekend, and I'm not that chick with tons of girlfriends sipping on margaritas - i dont even drink, it's just not me) mixed with my background signals to me that the chances of me 1)meeting a white guy and 2)dating him are slim to none. If this happens the world may be coming to an end. lol!
Pascale: I don't think we are racists at all. I'm not proposing that Black people not date outside their race, do as you see fit. And I'm going to do what I think works best for me. I don't think that there is a lack of good brothers but I do think that we need to cast our nets wider than originally intended. it is what it is, and i think if we dont then we may be doomed to singledom. what are your thoughts about casting our nets wider?
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