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Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Thinking
It's been a while. Ya'll havent heard from me since March. My bad. lol.
But I've been contemplating what I wanted to do with this blog site.
I'm still not sure. I definitely still want to blog, but I have to think about what that entails.
As you all know, I have 2 blog sites and a youtube channel. So I'm thinking do, I just want to do vids, or just blog, or do 1 blog and vids. So I've been contemplating what I'm going to do.
Maybe I'll change the focus of this blog. Idk. Still thinking. Maybe this blog won't exist. Idk. Still thinking.
So much to think about.
But thank you for your patience. I should know something really soon.
But I've been contemplating what I wanted to do with this blog site.
I'm still not sure. I definitely still want to blog, but I have to think about what that entails.
As you all know, I have 2 blog sites and a youtube channel. So I'm thinking do, I just want to do vids, or just blog, or do 1 blog and vids. So I've been contemplating what I'm going to do.
Maybe I'll change the focus of this blog. Idk. Still thinking. Maybe this blog won't exist. Idk. Still thinking.
So much to think about.
But thank you for your patience. I should know something really soon.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Great Read: Relationship Commentary: Jill Scott Talks Interracial Dating
Jill talks interracial dating on Essence.com. She will also be on the front cover of Essence's May issue. Go pick it up. Jill is photographed at home with her 9-month-old son Jett, as she opens up about the difficult road that led her to single motherhood, the sister circle that helps her get by, and the perfect life she enjoys today.
My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn't marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit...wince. I didn't immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.
Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul's credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that's not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah's Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common "wince" has solely to do with the African story in America.
When our people were enslaved, "Massa" placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.
We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It's frustrating and it hurts!
Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I'm just sayin'.
Have you experienced "the wince" Jill speaks of? Let me know your thoughts.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Fasting Lesson 2: You can't have everything
I don't know why I feel like my sight and sound seem more clear. The bible says that God communes with us during our time of fasting. So I thank God for sending people my way to teach me life lessons.
I've always heard the saying "You can't have everything!" and I believed in its words but to a smaller degree. About some weeks ago I was talking to a co-worker who kept saying, "You can't have everything!" She is in her late 40's married without children. She wanted children but because she married late in age she was unable to have any. She said she could have easily laid up with someone to have a baby but that was totally against who she was. Although she always dreamt of a husband and children she never had a chance to experience it. From the conversation I knew that there was a hidden sadness but she had to move on and appreciate what she does have.
I thought about my life and the things I want to have now and in the future. I want to have an excellent career, I want a certain someone to be my husband, I want some children, I want my family to live forever, I want to be a millionaire, I want to be a size _, I want a Range Rover, I want bigger breasts, I want some tattoos, I want a nose piercing, I want to own property domestically as well as internationally, I want to open a shoe store, I want a damn soda with some jerk chicken! And I want it all for you too. But the reality is I CAN'T have it all, You can't have it all, No one can.
We read these articles about rich people committing suicide or some actress who jumps from relationship to relationship searching for something but always falling short. So it doesn't matter how much money you have or how pretty you are, you'll never have everything you want. Money can buy a lot of stuff but it can't buy everything.
I am learning to be content with what I have and appreciating the people in my life and the little that I have. I appreciate my job (as hood as it is), my family (they all crazy but I swear to you I have the best family in the world), my car (that I've had for 8 years -- it hasn't fialed me yet), my itty bitty titties (no back problems and I can go without a bra), my room at my parents house (rent free, dinner every night), my singledom (knowing that I can live without a man, I can still survive if I don't get married), and my water and fish (i ain't dead yet).
still chasing honey
I've always heard the saying "You can't have everything!" and I believed in its words but to a smaller degree. About some weeks ago I was talking to a co-worker who kept saying, "You can't have everything!" She is in her late 40's married without children. She wanted children but because she married late in age she was unable to have any. She said she could have easily laid up with someone to have a baby but that was totally against who she was. Although she always dreamt of a husband and children she never had a chance to experience it. From the conversation I knew that there was a hidden sadness but she had to move on and appreciate what she does have.
I thought about my life and the things I want to have now and in the future. I want to have an excellent career, I want a certain someone to be my husband, I want some children, I want my family to live forever, I want to be a millionaire, I want to be a size _, I want a Range Rover, I want bigger breasts, I want some tattoos, I want a nose piercing, I want to own property domestically as well as internationally, I want to open a shoe store, I want a damn soda with some jerk chicken! And I want it all for you too. But the reality is I CAN'T have it all, You can't have it all, No one can.
We read these articles about rich people committing suicide or some actress who jumps from relationship to relationship searching for something but always falling short. So it doesn't matter how much money you have or how pretty you are, you'll never have everything you want. Money can buy a lot of stuff but it can't buy everything.
I am learning to be content with what I have and appreciating the people in my life and the little that I have. I appreciate my job (as hood as it is), my family (they all crazy but I swear to you I have the best family in the world), my car (that I've had for 8 years -- it hasn't fialed me yet), my itty bitty titties (no back problems and I can go without a bra), my room at my parents house (rent free, dinner every night), my singledom (knowing that I can live without a man, I can still survive if I don't get married), and my water and fish (i ain't dead yet).
still chasing honey
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Great Read: Keep Your Hands Off The Hair
Here is a story from NPR about Black women hair being a magnet to white hands
Today, we hear from Tell Me More guest host Allison Keyes.
This week we're going to talk about hair. To touch — or not to touch, that is the question.
And as far as I'm concerned the answer is nearly always, no.
OK — let me explain why this really annoys me.
I'm African-American, and I wear my hair natural. That means in an Afro, or in twists, or some other style that showcases my kinky hair in the tight curls in which it grows from my scalp. It is not chemically straightened. In other words — think India.Arie — NOT Beyonce!
And for the past few weeks, I've been rocking an Afro puff: a round fluffy puff perched atop a braided or twisted up-do. It is fierce!
And I must admit — the texture does look inviting to touch. But walking up and palming my puff?! Particularly without permission? Can I Just Tell YOU — speaking colloquially — that is not cool.
I think it is a race issue — as well as a personal space issue. The space issue seems obvious. I see it as a violation as unwanted as those who approach pregnant women — hands out — and start rubbing their bellies.
The race issue is a little more tricky.
For example, I was walking one day recently, puff held high, when a white woman walked up and just grabbed it — cooing, "Oh that's so cute!"
Fighting back my impulse to grab her wrist, I simply stepped back and growled, "Don't touch my hair!"
She reared back, offended, "Well, I don't see what the big deal is!"
That response is exactly the problem.
In what realm of reality is it OK to walk up to a person and — without her permission — lay your hands on her body?
I took a look around Google, wondering about the basis for this distaste that I and many other African-Americans have to acquaintances, co-workers or — most infuriating — strangers, just walking up and grasping away.
On blog after blog, black women railed about the rudeness of folk just walking up and touching their hair.
On another site, womanist-musings.com, in an article called "Can I Touch Your Hair? Black Women and The Petting Zoo," the author noted, "Today white people still feel that they have the right to our bodies." She went on to say, "My blackness and your curiosity does not give you the right to touch me."
Let's have a reality check here. For hundreds of years, whites had permission to do anything they wanted to black people, and that includes things far worse than touching our hair.
Even now, there are still those pesky signs of disrespect, like a white person calling a woman old enough to be their grandmother by her first name. Is it because she's black and therefore doesn't deserve the respect of a title? Don't both acts send a signal that black people are still objects to be treated as one pleases — all without said object's permission?
One Web site actually suggested that blacks try humor or self-deprecation to assuage the hurt feelings of the offended person who has just forcibly touched them. But I think, what you ought to do, is keep your hands outta my hair, unless I invite you to touch it. Whether it's a $1,000 hair weave, a 10-inch Afro or an Afro puff ... watch out! There could be a mousetrap in there — or worse!
That way, no one's fingers will be injured.
____________________________________________________
I personally hate when anyone invades my space, so don't you dare think about petting my hair! To me it is a huge sign of disrespect for people to think they have the right to touch any part of a person without permission. What have been your experience? Do you mind people touching your hair? Do you mind white people touching your hair? Why do you think they do it?
Today, we hear from Tell Me More guest host Allison Keyes.
This week we're going to talk about hair. To touch — or not to touch, that is the question.
And as far as I'm concerned the answer is nearly always, no.
OK — let me explain why this really annoys me.
I'm African-American, and I wear my hair natural. That means in an Afro, or in twists, or some other style that showcases my kinky hair in the tight curls in which it grows from my scalp. It is not chemically straightened. In other words — think India.Arie — NOT Beyonce!
And for the past few weeks, I've been rocking an Afro puff: a round fluffy puff perched atop a braided or twisted up-do. It is fierce!
And I must admit — the texture does look inviting to touch. But walking up and palming my puff?! Particularly without permission? Can I Just Tell YOU — speaking colloquially — that is not cool.
I think it is a race issue — as well as a personal space issue. The space issue seems obvious. I see it as a violation as unwanted as those who approach pregnant women — hands out — and start rubbing their bellies.
The race issue is a little more tricky.
For example, I was walking one day recently, puff held high, when a white woman walked up and just grabbed it — cooing, "Oh that's so cute!"
Fighting back my impulse to grab her wrist, I simply stepped back and growled, "Don't touch my hair!"
She reared back, offended, "Well, I don't see what the big deal is!"
That response is exactly the problem.
In what realm of reality is it OK to walk up to a person and — without her permission — lay your hands on her body?
I took a look around Google, wondering about the basis for this distaste that I and many other African-Americans have to acquaintances, co-workers or — most infuriating — strangers, just walking up and grasping away.
On blog after blog, black women railed about the rudeness of folk just walking up and touching their hair.
On another site, womanist-musings.com, in an article called "Can I Touch Your Hair? Black Women and The Petting Zoo," the author noted, "Today white people still feel that they have the right to our bodies." She went on to say, "My blackness and your curiosity does not give you the right to touch me."
Let's have a reality check here. For hundreds of years, whites had permission to do anything they wanted to black people, and that includes things far worse than touching our hair.
Even now, there are still those pesky signs of disrespect, like a white person calling a woman old enough to be their grandmother by her first name. Is it because she's black and therefore doesn't deserve the respect of a title? Don't both acts send a signal that black people are still objects to be treated as one pleases — all without said object's permission?
One Web site actually suggested that blacks try humor or self-deprecation to assuage the hurt feelings of the offended person who has just forcibly touched them. But I think, what you ought to do, is keep your hands outta my hair, unless I invite you to touch it. Whether it's a $1,000 hair weave, a 10-inch Afro or an Afro puff ... watch out! There could be a mousetrap in there — or worse!
That way, no one's fingers will be injured.
____________________________________________________
I personally hate when anyone invades my space, so don't you dare think about petting my hair! To me it is a huge sign of disrespect for people to think they have the right to touch any part of a person without permission. What have been your experience? Do you mind people touching your hair? Do you mind white people touching your hair? Why do you think they do it?
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Great Read: What Men Think of Our Beauty Rituals
by Tia Williams
Posted on Essence
Since the very first cavewoman caught her reflection in a puddle and was like, "I really need to do something about my brows," women have expended great amounts of energy on the pursuit of beauty. And if we're talking about heterosexual women, one would assume that they're primping to attract the opposite sex, right? So, we decided to conduct our own informal survey of 20 and 30-something men to find out, once and for all, what they really think of our beauty rituals. You'll wonder why you make an effort at all!
THE WEAVE SITUATION
In this progressive day and age, when weaves are ubiquitous, we were surprised to learn that many men are still not down for fake hair. "I had an incident with a fake ponytail in the late '90s, and I haven't even approached a non-real-hair woman since," says William, a consultant in Richmond. "Weaves make me feel like, if she's faking on her hair, what else is she faking on?" Duane, a Washington DC attorney cosigns, saying, "A weave is a major turnoff for me. I'm big on how a woman's hair smells and I've never met a weave that smelled good."
BRAZILIAN WAX
The Brazilian bikini wax (ie, the one where almost everything goes) drew mixed reactions among our focus group. Trinidad-based photographer Wyatt said they were a must, while Kyle, a Brooklyn writer, said the bald-and-beautiful look was nice, but not necessary. Duane agreed, saying, "Brazilians are sexy on porn stars, but to be honest, I don't want my woman to look like a porn star. " Little do the men know that, aesthetically it may be pleasing for them, but many women go bare because A.) it makes them feel thinner, and B) friction-less sex is everything.
FOUNDATION
Foundation seems to be a no-no, as well. "It's the biggest turn-off possible," says Wyatt. "Invest in good skin care instead of caking this on! I don't like my models to wear it in shoots, either." Jim, a Miami area surgeon, finds it to be a distraction. "It's scary when a woman's face is one color and her neck is another. What's that all about?" Meanwhile, William isn't mad at the actual foundation, he just hates it when it gets all over his sink. "I'm a little OCD," he admits. Detroit-based musician Tyrone told us, "Drake said it best: 'Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin' with no makeup on...that's when you're the prettiest, I hope that you don't take it wrong.'"
LIP GLOSS
Whether it's shimmery or sheer, or bold vs. pale, we are definitely addicted to applying lip gloss (in fact, in a recent ESSENCE poll, gloss was named the one makeup item that women can't live without). Sadly, the men we polled didn't share the same enthusiasm. "It makes me feel like a weird old lady at church just kissed me," says William. "It needs to wear off before I get a kiss." And when it comes to the trendy new lip-plumping glosses infused with circulation-jolting cinnamon and pepper, men are truly baffled. "I mean, a little tingle is cool, but I don't wanna feel like I just kissed a plate of hot sauce," said Duane. Texas-based businessman Laurence says, "There's tingly lip gloss? I think a woman should have fun with that. Like, tell some guy that her lips are literally electric, and then kiss him and be like, 'Check mate!'"
SUMMARY
So generally, it looks like even though men want us to look nice, noticable makeup and fake hair can be a turn-off. Now, here's the thing: Most of the women we know wear makeup, and a good amount have rocked weaves--and, as of yet, they've never had a problem attracting or keeping men. "We can say we want our women to be au naturale," says Al, a California dentist, "but the truth is, we really have no idea what secret tricks you guys pull. If you're fly, men don't care about all this stuff." To test the theory, we showed three men a red carpet shot of Meagan Good rocking neutral makeup. Every single one of the men oohed and ahhed over her "natural" beauty "See? She's not wearing a stitch of makeup, and she's gorgeous," says Kevin, a New York investment banker. The truth is, Good was wearing a face full of makeup...and a weave. What they don't know won't hurt them.
Women: What are your beauty rituals? How does your mate react to them?
Men: What are your thoughts on beauty rituals?
Posted on Essence
Since the very first cavewoman caught her reflection in a puddle and was like, "I really need to do something about my brows," women have expended great amounts of energy on the pursuit of beauty. And if we're talking about heterosexual women, one would assume that they're primping to attract the opposite sex, right? So, we decided to conduct our own informal survey of 20 and 30-something men to find out, once and for all, what they really think of our beauty rituals. You'll wonder why you make an effort at all!
THE WEAVE SITUATION
In this progressive day and age, when weaves are ubiquitous, we were surprised to learn that many men are still not down for fake hair. "I had an incident with a fake ponytail in the late '90s, and I haven't even approached a non-real-hair woman since," says William, a consultant in Richmond. "Weaves make me feel like, if she's faking on her hair, what else is she faking on?" Duane, a Washington DC attorney cosigns, saying, "A weave is a major turnoff for me. I'm big on how a woman's hair smells and I've never met a weave that smelled good."
BRAZILIAN WAX
The Brazilian bikini wax (ie, the one where almost everything goes) drew mixed reactions among our focus group. Trinidad-based photographer Wyatt said they were a must, while Kyle, a Brooklyn writer, said the bald-and-beautiful look was nice, but not necessary. Duane agreed, saying, "Brazilians are sexy on porn stars, but to be honest, I don't want my woman to look like a porn star. " Little do the men know that, aesthetically it may be pleasing for them, but many women go bare because A.) it makes them feel thinner, and B) friction-less sex is everything.
FOUNDATION
Foundation seems to be a no-no, as well. "It's the biggest turn-off possible," says Wyatt. "Invest in good skin care instead of caking this on! I don't like my models to wear it in shoots, either." Jim, a Miami area surgeon, finds it to be a distraction. "It's scary when a woman's face is one color and her neck is another. What's that all about?" Meanwhile, William isn't mad at the actual foundation, he just hates it when it gets all over his sink. "I'm a little OCD," he admits. Detroit-based musician Tyrone told us, "Drake said it best: 'Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin' with no makeup on...that's when you're the prettiest, I hope that you don't take it wrong.'"
LIP GLOSS
Whether it's shimmery or sheer, or bold vs. pale, we are definitely addicted to applying lip gloss (in fact, in a recent ESSENCE poll, gloss was named the one makeup item that women can't live without). Sadly, the men we polled didn't share the same enthusiasm. "It makes me feel like a weird old lady at church just kissed me," says William. "It needs to wear off before I get a kiss." And when it comes to the trendy new lip-plumping glosses infused with circulation-jolting cinnamon and pepper, men are truly baffled. "I mean, a little tingle is cool, but I don't wanna feel like I just kissed a plate of hot sauce," said Duane. Texas-based businessman Laurence says, "There's tingly lip gloss? I think a woman should have fun with that. Like, tell some guy that her lips are literally electric, and then kiss him and be like, 'Check mate!'"
SUMMARY
So generally, it looks like even though men want us to look nice, noticable makeup and fake hair can be a turn-off. Now, here's the thing: Most of the women we know wear makeup, and a good amount have rocked weaves--and, as of yet, they've never had a problem attracting or keeping men. "We can say we want our women to be au naturale," says Al, a California dentist, "but the truth is, we really have no idea what secret tricks you guys pull. If you're fly, men don't care about all this stuff." To test the theory, we showed three men a red carpet shot of Meagan Good rocking neutral makeup. Every single one of the men oohed and ahhed over her "natural" beauty "See? She's not wearing a stitch of makeup, and she's gorgeous," says Kevin, a New York investment banker. The truth is, Good was wearing a face full of makeup...and a weave. What they don't know won't hurt them.
Women: What are your beauty rituals? How does your mate react to them?
Men: What are your thoughts on beauty rituals?
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Fasting Lesson: Willpower
I am on Day 17 of my 40 day fast. I am so proud of myself. I have been sticking to my diet. I am at a point where food (meat) doesn't matter to me. When I first began this fast, a KFC commercial had me drooling and so tempted but today I can go to KFC, order my veggies and bounce.
One thing I have learned through fasting is the power of the mind. I feel powerful when I exert self control. When my mind tells my flesh "No!" It's a No!
Everything I thought had a hold on me -- DOESN'T. I have learned that I have the ability to do whatever I put my mind to. I can overcome all challenges, in all areas of my life because I am truly powerful beyond measure.
~still chasing honey
One thing I have learned through fasting is the power of the mind. I feel powerful when I exert self control. When my mind tells my flesh "No!" It's a No!
Everything I thought had a hold on me -- DOESN'T. I have learned that I have the ability to do whatever I put my mind to. I can overcome all challenges, in all areas of my life because I am truly powerful beyond measure.
~still chasing honey
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